Random Access Memories

Random Access Memories *Full Album*

 What does Daft Punk have to do with today's post? Absolutely nothing aside from one of their album titles that I thought was fitting.

Also, Im a big fan of theirs, so this was just a "happy coincidence" 😊

It is more like Random Memories that defined today. Some good, and 1 that gave me the ick.

I needed to get a jump on going through and bagging up my mom's clothes for donation to the local Women's Shelter. She has A LOT of clothes. I mean A LOT. It could clothe 2 third world countries of women. 

I kept very little as she was a petite woman so the majority of the clothes she owned were too short for me, and some too large. I'm pretty happy that practically nothing of hers in the clothing department was anything I was attached to. 

But GOOD LORD! I have loaded up my car with several large garbage bags that are designated for outdoor yard clippings, so they are much bigger than the traditional trash bags used inside the home. I cannot see out of the back of my car as the whole back seat up to the roof is blocked by black trash bags, and the trunk is basically spring loaded with bags that are stuffed with ladies clothing.

TONS MORE where this came from!

Web Link to Shelters to Donate to

After about 2 hours of bagging my mother's clothing up, I naturally gravitated towards other items that I wanted to go through and decide whether it stays or goes.

Enter: A little black book 

I had not seen or recognized this book before. I thought it was something that was my dad's and was about to box it up for my step-sister but I opened it first and quickly realized that it was my mother's.

It was filled of pictures of me at various ages (as a young child 3 years - 7 years), one of my cousin as a child, and 1 that kind of took my breath away for a few moments... It was a photo of my birth father (the "donor", and I *aged 3 years*)

I vaguely remember seeing this photo many years ago, but of course I either blocked it out of my mind or forgot about it. Either was fine by me. The "donor" will be addressed in another post, not to worry.

He is not who I would have chosen as the other 50% of my DNA, but here we are. Literally.

The thing that stood out to me most was the use of the word/description of this man; that being "daddy".

This indicates to me that at the time of that photo, my mom still had some feelings for him, which knowing about how he treated both my mother and I, just breaks my heart and makes my stomach turn.

Bottom line: He was a very toxic individual. I'm glad he's no longer in my life and hasn't been for most of it. Thank You God 🙏

I am still on FMLA for another week or so, during that time it is not expected for me to address anything that is work related, but it seemed that my boss was out of the country and there was a task that I had been placed in charge of that no one else could get done, sooooo my boss's boss texted me asking for help.

Given who he is and how much I respect I have for him, I was more than happy to take a break in my packing at home to address the situation. 

This took the use of my work computer, so when I opened that laptop, I forgot about the post-it that I had placed on the inside with my mother as the subject matter written on it.

*Please Donate*

I wanted sooo badly to have had some of her tumors harvested & fixed, and have them sent back to our lab so that I could use them for Diagnostics and Treatment studies.

YES this IS possible via Tissue Donation, However I was reliably informed that it would take a ton of regulatory hoops to jump through and the biggest obstacle: our company is not focusing on Breast Cancers. 

That statement just took the wind out of my sails... I would have done anything to have had the cells of the bastard disease that took my mom from me and has taken others as well.

The CSO of our company was totally on board with it, even suggesting naming the cell line after my mom. Again, I would have given anything to have made that happen. F*CK! 😡

Even though that post-it was written fairly recently, I still regarded it as a "memory". 

Still not sure as to what kind though. 

Not sure if it needs to be defined neither.