Stalkers... got to love them!
*Sarcastic Tone*
I came home tonight to a very touching yet creepy email from an ex that simply cannot let go. Will not move on. Even when I move away, change my number, change my address, and thought I blocked him from being able to email me anymore.
Yet what I didn't factor in was that he still had my parents number. He called while I was visiting earlier this last week.
That was a short lived conversation and not one that I wanted to relive again. Ever.
I guess trying to block him online was a bust because I got a lengthy email from him just a few minutes ago.
While I am flattered that I am thought of after the break up in such a loving way, I am pretty creeped out that he refuses to let me go.
I could not handle the demands, the jealousy, the obsessiveness, the possessiveness, the Selfishness OMG.... I could go on for HOURS about that. Once again, it would be All about HIM.
No, we are done with that.
and the attempt at controlling me. Bhahaha.... Nice try. You lose.
Mind you this was only a 3 month relationship so once again, the "feelings" portrayed here bother me a bit as it appears that he has a deep seated love that in my opinion takes a LOT longer to achieve than 90 days of dating.
Here it is:
"Good day! How are you feeling? I hope you are doing well. What can I say? I do hope you receive this e-mail. I did send you several very touching cards, but again I sent them to your unit’s house. I figured they would somehow get your mail to you wherever you are staying. Yes, it was very soothing to hear your voice and in fact, this is one of the reasons I wanted to reactive my phone. Please know (whether you believe me or not), how difficult it was for me to do this; to contact you again. I thought and debated this idea over and over in my mind. I thought about it and reviewed both the positive and negative aspects of this plan. I was unsure what I would say exactly when I called you, but it was indeed written in all the notes I sent you. I thought, would she even care to hear from me again? Does she think of me at all? Does she still have feelings for me and potentially see being with me for something more long-term (this is what I envisioned with you while we were together and in many ways, still do)? Yes I agree; I had something to do with our downfall, but I also thought before calling you; could I take her criticisms of me and do I deserve to hear this after treating her, in my mind at least, as well as I did? However, again I realize I am also to blame for you leaving and all I can say, is I constantly work on my demons as I hope you do on yours. I try to find the main reasons and the cause behind what initiates some of my actions you are not too fond of. Nonetheless, I look to the big picture, which was overall brighter then darker with you and I wonder if you feel the same.
Yes, it has been years since that dreaded October day you left and yes, I was very curious to know how you were doing. I still care very deeply for you and so I want to be sure you are alright and you are managing to progress in terms of your job and in relation to keeping your horse. I know he means a lot to you and frankly, had you stayed I am sure we could have worked something out for us and for you in terms of your goals. In fact, I did research this for you while you were here and even several weeks after you left. I actually have a student who owns a horse and she mentioned you boarding your horse at her parent’s place (they have a huge place with stables and all), but you already left by this time. I will say I am flattered you kept your necklace; I am shocked you wear it occasionally. This means a lot to me. I hope you kept all the goodies I gifted you. Again, I was unsure what calling you would produce and what emotions I would experience.
All I know is, yes I have moved on in most respects. My job is going very well, I have been traveling a bit including a recent trip to Oakland for work. I was even planning to contact you then, but figured you were not interested in seeing me again. My position at Valley College is also going well. I remain active in my sports and I actually completed a 5-mile walk supporting finding a cure for cancer a few weeks ago. I actually listed you as the person I was walking for. My Thanksgiving holiday was enjoyable; spent time with my family and friends. I have worked a few additional shifts at the ambulance station and in fact, saved two people and a dog from the recent fires in Sylmar.
Yes, I did attempt to meet other women after we split as I am still looking for something more exclusive, more long-term and something of potential; a commitment of sorts that involves sticking together through good and bad, and finding ways to work a relationship out if two people do care for each other. However, seeing another woman did nothing for me and I could not stay with her as my mind has been on you. We have become more friends then anything else. My heart still lies with you and though you may not feel this for me anymore, I just have to let you know how I feel. I am not really looking to just be your friend (this has not changed), but I also really do miss you. I miss your smile, your touch, I miss holding your hand and cuddling with you. I miss going to Pickles with you and eating those good old black and white cookies. I miss having you in my classroom and watching me in action so to speak. I miss our little weekend getaways and trips we took, but most importantly, I miss YOU. Yes, you the package; your heart and your soul. In fact, I sometimes look at your pictures and hold them to my heart thinking you will hear my heart beating for you and sometimes I find it difficult to use the wine glass you gave me as it reminds me of you, which saddens me to realize you are not with me.
In fact, there was a part of me that hoped you would be here for the holidays as I would have loved to spend New Year’s Eve with you. I would have enjoyed spending Hanukkah and even Christmas with you. I am unsure, maybe this is still a possibility and I would pay for an airline ticket if you want to visit. I guess I am just being naïve, maybe a moment of weakness, but I am speaking from the heart and I fell in love with you. I am STILL In Love With YOU. I thought I could move on in terms of the relationship arena, but it is challenging. Why? Again, I fell for you. Anyway, I do hope you are doing as well as could be expected with what remains on your plate. You may not believe me, but I am here if you want to talk and I will work on my listening skills to help in this process. You remain in my heart. Think about my offer as we do not know what could be without becoming reacquainted with each other and ourselves.
Love,
Jason"
While that is heartfelt, I just can't help but to feel a bit skeeved out and "stalked" once more by him.
Yes, he sent MANY cards, gifts, and cookies from my favorite bakery... but I could not accept them. All correspondence got "Return to Sender" stamped on them and sent back. I didn't want anything from him except to Let Me Go and to leave me tf alone... Move on already!
My roommate threatened him with a 12 ga. shotgun salute should he try to make his way to the house.
God Bless him.
Once again, right words... wrong person.
Oh well! Not going to let that stop me from having my movie night!
We are going to watch "The Book Thief"
"When Life robs you, sometimes you have to rob it back"
I love that line.
I DON'T love Jason.
