Yesterday I finally got to bring my mom home, for the last time. Unfortunately, it wasn't able to be done on her terms (while she was alive) but she is now HOME.
She had pre-planned her and my dad's "end of life services" if you will, and the only thing left for me to do was to show up, sign papers, and within a little over a week... I had my mom back. In an urn she had chosen for herself.
My parents wishes were to both be cremated, their ashes mixed together, and scattered at a designated place when the time was right.
Given at the moment, the place where they want to be is more than likely very muddy, I will wait until the spring when the ground is hard, and the flowers are blooming.
I was told to look for Blue & Yellow flowers... OK, though I wish I knew exactly what flowers those were. This is feeling like an "Afterlife Scavenger Hunt" of sorts. Hopefully they won't be too hard to find.
Surprisingly, I did not shed a tear while I was picking the ashes up. For once I was able to contain the "water works"... I'll take that win as there are very few days that I am not constantly crying.
I think being on the phone with my aunt helped. I have been keeping the only remaining surviving members of the family updated with my moms health, all the way to her death. Even if it was something that she wouldn't have wanted, they are still her family. I feel they deserve to know what happened to their sister.
ANYWAY, I will say the most stressful part of this whole ordeal (thus far), was figuring out how I was going to mix my parents ashes together as the The Neptune Society let me know that they cannot by law, "Co-Mingle ashes".
Color me devastated and somewhat panicked because this is not something I have ever done and all sorts of "disaster scenarios" played out in my head ranging from the obvious: spilling my folks all over the place, having to vacuum them up and have them mixed in with junk that was aspirated off the floor (No... unacceptable), to losing them down the drain. Again, No.
I think it was the anxiety I was feeling that kept me from once again, be reduced to a pile of tears while having to deal with this, alone and by myself. Honestly it would have been nice to have had someone there to help me with this, but I got it done.
I kept trying to figure out HOW and WHERE to get all of this done at, and all I could think was in my moms favorite place in the house: the Kitchen.
Now I can assure you, the kitchen at this point looked like a scene out of "Dexter" as I have to prepare my own food and eat there too. Slight Backstory: I am a germaphobe and have some OCD, so I usually have things, especially the kitchen, the bathroom, and my laundry, practically sterile. If I had my way, I would autoclave just about everything in my life. But that would cause more harm than good... got to give my immune system a "workout" but NOT with human cremains.
About 3 years ago I got my mom these huge metal mixing bowls for Mother's Day, along with a set of metal measuring cups... Well, guess what got used?.... Yep, THOSE.
My mom loved cooking and every kitchen gadget ever known to man. So this was my way of honoring her in one of her favorite places to be... with some of her favorite tools.
I may never look at those 2 items the same again. May not use them either.... (YES they were washed after, but still...)
After I mixed both mom & dad together and cleaned up the kitchen as if it was a "Crime Scene", I placed some candles in these custom memorial candle holders that I found off Etsy.
When I saw them, I had to have 1 for each of my parents. And my mother's candle holder arrived the day I brought her home. *Coincidence?*
I've got 1 out of 3 tasks done that my mother had asked of me before she died. I made sure she was mixed with my dad, now the wait to get to spring and get to 1 of 2 places to scatter them after the snow melts, the ground dries up, and flowers bloom.
Until then, Welcome Home Mom... I hope you and dad are happy together again. And I hope I made you proud in some way. I love and I miss you both.
*here come the tears... dammit*
No comments:
Post a Comment