Reasons, Seasons, and Lifetimes

 

So today was the equivalent of a "shit sandwich."

I know...  lovely choice of descriptives but honestly, this one slaps. The accuracy tho

I wasn't in the mood to be at work today in the first place, but probably the worst news was delivered during our Tuesday Meeting: my boss's boss gave his notice. 

I'd like to preface this post as I am well informed that it is almost never a good idea to blog/vlog/publish anything about your place of employment and it is generally avoided if you want to keep your job, but I'm willing to take that risk today. 

When it was announced that my boss's boss was no longer going to be a part of the company, I just stood there in the lab in complete shock. Like life just ripped the rug out from under me, leaving me to land on a bed of nails.

Without revealing too much, this person and I initially did not get on that well. I worked for them years ago at another laboratory but the supervisor that he had me report to, was extremely dishonest and lied her ass off about me to him. In turn, that made him very wary of me and inevitably causing me to leave the company I met him at.

There is a ton more to that story, but I really don't want to go back down that road mentally. Let's just say that a month and a half later, the supervisor I had reported to ended up leaving the company as well, but she was doing that it avoid being put on a Performance Improvement Plan. She jumped ship before that could happen to her. 

Fast forward 3 years later, I found myself face to face with my boss once more. I wasn't terribly excited about working with him again, especially after he allowed my direct supervisor to set me up for failure. I was taking the fall for her lies and mistakes. It was easy to blame everything on me and I was told that she would do anything to keep her job. Even if that meant she needed to be a snake about it.

It took a couple of months for me to relax around my old manager, but I'm glad I pushed through my fears because it turns out that I was completely wrong about him. I believed what my supervisor said and never questioned her.

At one point, my old manager (we will call him "Bob") and I commuted into work together. He lives just down the road from me. It worked well for a time, but he has the option to work from home, I do not. Commuting takes gas and bridge tolls, so the carpooling came to a halt, but it was great while it lasted.

This gave both of us the opportunity to get to know each other outside of work and I guess "bond" in a way. I learned A LOT about him and his background. I learned he was nothing like the monster that my previous supervisor made him out to be. 

I had made it my mission to show and prove to him that I was not that employee that my supervisor made me out to be.

 A colossal fuck up.

I'd like to believe in the last 2 years, I accomplished that mission. 

I've been reliably informed that he has spoken highly of my skills and teaching abilities which made me tear up on the spot. FINALLY, I got the validation I had been so badly seeking from him.

There was a part of me that just could not stand the thought of him not seeing or appreciating my skill sets, proficiency, and knowledge. I lost quite a bit of sleep over it.

Now, it will be crying myself to sleep (maybe not that dramatic, but there have already been tears).

One of my coworkers poked fun at the situation by saying that I would need to get a bobble head statue of "Bob" to step in as my "security blanket" in the lab. I would run to him quite frequently when I was unsure of a new procedure, walk through my thought process when assessing new techniques, or performing something technically difficult and needed him just to stand there... to be my "security blanket."

I'm fairly certain that he finds this attachment amusing and absurd. Especially since this is coming from a grown woman about his age. 

I'm not proud of it 😆

He was gracious to spend a few minutes in a conference room where I choked back tears while telling him that is was an honor to get to work with him again, as well as telling him a little bit about my favorite mentor from a previous job in 2001. Without her persistence and support, I don't think I would be where I am today career-wise. I am beyond grateful for her, and I was lucky enough to be blessed with another one of those humans in my lifetime: "Bob."

I couldn't let "Bob" leave the company without letting him how much his mentorship meant to me, and how I hold him in the same regard as my mentor.

He knows that this is a big deal as he also knows me well enough to know I'm not a fan of most people in general and avoid them as a result. At least I hope he knows. 

While I wanted to fall into a puddle of my own frustrations & tears, the title of this blog post came to me in an instant.

I was reminded of that quote about people come into your life either for a reason, season, or a lifetime.

I believe "Bob" was all 3.

The Reason: So I could rectify myself in his eyes and prove my former supervisor wrong (and anyone else who believed her bullshit about me).

The Season: Not everyone you meet in your life is meant to stay. This is especially hard for me as I have a hard time letting people go, even if it is in their best interest. I was tasked to learn and integrate new surgical models in house, I don't know how confident I would have been had he not been there for me to psychologically lean on. I needed the confidence, and "Bob" gave it to me in his own way.

"Bob's" time in my immediate life is done as of June 6th. Maybe he is needed elsewhere where he can be of guidance and mentorship to someone who needs it more than I do. 

I'm selfish. I don't want him to go, but I know he wants something different for himself. I can't blame him.

A Lifetime: I get to carry with and got to replace bad experiences & memories, with ones of deep respect and fondness. As I have stated before, I place and rank him just as high as my mentor. This is NOT easy to do, and I found it to be effortless. He's earned his spot at the podium in which I place only the best people on. He stayed with me when I was nervous about performing a new technique and gave me guidance when I needed/asked for it. 

I hope wherever his new job takes him, that they know what an amazing human being they have hired.

I am preemptively jealous of his new colleagues and wish I was one of them. 

He let me know that where he was going, they didn't have the type of lab or position I have worked in for the past 22 years. Hearing that broke my heart all over again, but I have to remember that not everyone is meant to stay in your life. And find the grace to let them go. 

I'm lucky to have had a second chance to prove myself to him, I need to work on being OK if that was his purpose in my life. 

I'm grateful, I just wish I could tell my heart it's going to be fine. 

Baby steps, I guess. 

Thank You, "Bob." Thank You for everything